Si @silicon@wandering.shop

I'm looking ahead to a day full of cleaning (ugh). Tell me your favorite songs to dance to!

#music #playlist #dance

Y'all I'm chilling in my apt and, tbh, really missing the feeling of community I had on a certain other social media site I won't go on now (and hella NOT missing the many, many negatives btw).

But I realized you know, I hardly post here sometimes. Part of that is stress reaction (it's not like I'm active ANYWHERE rn, yay stress), but how can I expect to just have that same community if I myself don't participate.

On top of that there's a bunch of lab bullshit that is really unnecessary and pointless. I'm tired yo. I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone and not make me responsible for any shit.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

There's at least 5 people that I NEED to reply to, and I just *can't*. High anxiety brain isolates me and ramps up the social anxiety to a point where a single text message is a hugely stressful endeavour cause I'm second-guessing EVERYTHING. So I just ... drop shit. Which is really bad, cause my friends DO deserve to not be randomly ghosted every time my anxiety is like LIFE IS SCARY.

So I've been at Anxiety 11, which is my way of mentally scoring that place just a hair short of panic attack, all week. So I can't trust my memory (brain is hiding stressful things from me), I drop shit constantly, I regularly forget meals and don't feel hunger, and I get nightmares.

It fucking sucks. All for ONE PLANE TRIP.

I'm travelling relatively soon, which is a HUGE source of anxiety for me. I aint kidding when I say some of the worst experiences of my life have been on planes. I HATE them. I'm terrified of them. The day you can voluntarily undergo anaesthesia to get from one place to another is the day I will start to travel happily.

Experiment is being a piece of shit and I need to go back tomorrow at 9AM to repeat the whole 15 hour process. Fucking asshole of a sample.

I'm exhausted yo

Bro is graduating, which is awesome!! I'm acting as emotional buffer between him and the barely restrained whirlpool of confusion that is everyone else. This would be a great comedy if I'd had more than 5 hrs sleep for the last few days ...

I'm so sleepy I can't think and I need to corral and handle my very emotional, very disorganized family for another 8 hours.

Pray for me

Nevermind i mixed up my + and - controls ITS ALL GOOD.