Rikki 💞 Ricci @peculiarwarmth@wandering.shop

My loneliness makes me grumpy here and I just don’t think I can trust myself at all until I am able to create more connections irl. Online is a drug that makes my attempts to find friends I can physically see too slow and I need to stop because this is not community for me, as much I wish it were.

So I’ll pin this just so that people know.

Hello, I am new here, migrating over from sunbeam city.

Short intro: I am currently a sociology student and mostly stay at home parent of two littles, early 30s. I am married to a cis man but a recently realized lesbian. I call myself a Christian Anarchist but like talking about a lot of different things from the spiritual to political to material.

My goal with this account is to be more intentional about community and so I may be slow to follow if there hasn’t been direct interaction.

My loneliness makes me grumpy here and I just don’t think I can trust myself at all until I am able to create more connections irl. Online is a drug that makes my attempts to find friends I can physically see too slow and I need to stop because this is not community for me, as much I wish it were.

So I’ll pin this just so that people know.

I am feeling like I need another social media break, so I'll be around in a few days 😘

But also, I don't know if I ever would have learned this about myself without having kids. It forced me to the bottom, I don't think I would have gotten them otherwise.

I should say, not much changed with everyone else but a ton changed in me. I started taking care of myself, my confidence went up because I was able to actually share what I thought and needed/wanted. And this is still an on going process of learning what it is I was taught directly and indirectly all my life and throwing it out.

I think I have started doing this again without noticing it. Picking up an old habit - so here's my reminder to be aware of my auto-accommodating. 5/5

This is when I finally let myself say "who cares" I am done trying to be everything for everyone else. I couldn't do it anymore. The thing is that I also didn't realize until that moment that I had a choice. It was such a freeing experience and I was actual able to spend time with my kids and enjoy it.

I realized how much of my energy had gone to accommodating everyone else and when I stopped... it was okay. Not much changed actually. 4/?

I enabled my husband and tried to manage his mental health while taking care of my kid, budgeting, cooking. cleaning, working, etc. Then I got pregnant again AND decided to go back to school AND the election from hell happened. After my daughter was born I felt like I finally broke. The reality of my life and the world around me forced me into helplessness and it was sort of my micromanaging rock bottom. 3/?

As time went on and my hormones balanced a bit the fog cleared and I could recover some. But I kept some of those obsessions and micromanaging tendencies. During that time my son refusing to breastfeed and did not gain weight for 3 months so my obsession around his food intake has always been a lingering issue. Then we moved, my husband was unemployed, and I worked full time and took care of everything for a year. 2/?

One of the most important things I learned after having kids was how much energy and time I spent worrying about things I did not need to worry about.

After having my first I was tired, I was beat up, and (as is common) I had post-partum depression. This turned into really obsessive and controlling behavior. I micromanaged my day and my baby so that I could feel like I had some control. 1/?

Community is not aging well.

I have never had a teacher request we don’t take notes and threaten us if they see “pens moving.”

I questioned her on this and she said “you have to trust me.”

Let me just say it was difficult to keep my middle finger from shooting up in the middle of class.

It is becoming very clear to me that I need to stop drinking coffee but it also makes me sad... silly to have such emotionality wrapped up in a drink.

I think my frustration with understanding gender is that I often try to use the same words to describe two different phenomena but I do not know how to separate those or even if I should.

Just *love watching the ways this show sidesteps blaming capitalism for any of the issues which led to Gilead.

* = sarcasm

Don’t indoctrinate children. Even if you feel like you “right.” The best we can do is be honest about ourselves, encourage critical thought, and teach them to trust themselves.

If I told my kids “police are bad” without articulating that is my position and others exist then I am telling them I am the authority on their thoughts and ideas... one day they will rebel from that without processing on their own.

My 4 year old asked about police yesterday. I told him what they do, their role in our society, and said “some people like them and think what they do is good and others do not” I also told him I am in the “not a fan” category.

I realized I had the choice of providing one side of the “argument” (my side) and not just provide information for my kids to eventual make their own choice. And I realized how important a distinction this is.