¡Matt! @mattamatic@wandering.shop

Are old stories from oral traditions still fairy tales if there aren't any fairies?

The word copasetic used to be crowpasetic, but the cops were like "hey crows! Gimme that word!" and the crows were just like "Leave us the f alone you f-ers. " #trueStory #crows

Crows are underrated birds. They do their best not to move, they work together, and whenever they make noise, it sounds like a bunch of cuss words.

After several months at a job with a subpar lavoratory, today I walked over to the hallway on the other side of the building from my project and discovered a really nice bathroom with sufficient lighting and stall doors that don't even have a millimeter of gap on either side. There was great news right around the corner, but I didn't know to look. #holyCrap #whatElseAmIMissing

When we have replicators that can instantly make artificial cruelty free meat, will I be able to order up specific people I think might be delicious? #food #startrek #biteme

This is just wonderful http://autoweek.com/article/wait-theres-more/welcome-world-land-speed-toilet-racing #toilets #landspeedrecords

My last four holds at the library all came through at once and I found out I accidentally selected all audiobooks instead of the usual 25/75 audio/text split. There is simply not enough time for this much book in the next few weeks.

I'm still bummed about Vinnie Paul. The lyrics for Pantera songs ranged from garbage to ok, but the drumming was and is pretty much how my heartbeat feels. His later bands might not be as popular, but it was like shoveling comfort food into my ears listening to his riffs. #music #pantera #hellyeah

I tried to use Schrodinger's cat as a metaphor to explain why my kid should always ask a question even if she thinks she knows how I will answer but she just yelled that it doesn't matter because she already knows the answer. Ten minutes later and I still don't know the question.

I guess I spoke too soon. Older kid barfed last night and said it was because the bad guy made her feel sick. :(

Saw Incredibles as a belated birthday present to my kids and holy crap I'm glad they aren't photosensitive. Also, I think they might never go to bed again now