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mh(-) 

I've always been the sort of person who vents her way out of a bad experience. Snarking, screaming, crying - whatever it takes. I sweat it out, and it passes, and I can put everything in perspective again.

Dealing rn with something I can't shake off. Losing friends because they don't understand why I'm still upset. Not my choice, but venting isn't working.

Part of the problem is that the issue is ongoing. Maybe forever. Equilibrium is evasive. How do I cope?

mh(-) 

@lizmonster

Vital question: are you *physically* safe?

mh(-) 

@mwlucas I am, and thank you, truly, for asking.

mh(-) 

@lizmonster Good! In that case, here's my coping advice. Sprinkle "generally" liberally throughout.

My context: I have noisy, ongoing, frustrating family drama that will only end when certain people die.

Bad experiences cause flight/fight/freeze reactions. We get adrenalized, cortisol, etc. I found physical activity helps immensely.

Try an exercise or sport *that you enjoy.*

Martial arts changed my life. I'm much more relaxed, happier, & confident now.

mh(-) 

@mwlucas I used to run - trying to get back into it, but I quit due to an injury, so I have to be careful. But yes, exercise can be a lifesaver.

mh(-) 

@lizmonster

Just remember, while choking the living crap out of someone who richly deserves it IS considered exercise, it's a momentary pleasure and people will talk.

If running is problematic, go on an exercise adventure. Take the free intro classes everywhere, see what clicks!

mh(-) 

@mwlucas LOL I'm more of the "I hope you live a long, miserable, lonely life" type. 😆

mh(-) 

@lizmonster Venting is good for short term issues, but for longer term things I've found I have to also limit exposure to the problem (as much as I can), do what I can to control the situation in my favor, and then have a specific exit plan in place.

When I used to have to deal with toxic in-laws I found it was best to meet them at a restaurant rather than at their homes because it put a natural limit on the encounter and an easy out at the end, even if their behavior was still hurtful.

mh(-) 

@lizmonster (Of course, some situations are far more complicated than that. Dealing with in-house toxicity has proved a lot more difficult for me and in that case I've had to set up very deliberate and careful self-care routines, set boundaries over space and interaction, and rearrange certain tasks and responsibilities to minimize potential points of conflict. It takes a lot of management, and doesn't resolve the situation, but it gives me more room to breathe.

mh(-) 

@Aggy_C I'm lucky, really, in that it's not my family, or indeed other people. Unluckily, it's around my work, and the only thing worse than trying to get through it is giving it up.

I'm just really tired of being upset all the time, you know? It's exhausting.

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