Jess Mahler @jessmahler@wandering.shop

Hey, so, I've seen several folks talking about how coronavirus advice givers insist you should everything on hand for two weeks -- including your medicine, and how impossible that is.

I'm a small-scale prepper who has been working on getting a month's worth of medicine on hand for a couple years now. If you want to be able to have extra meds on hand for emergencies, here's some tips:

Okay folks, I've been asked a question about managing needs and expectations in #polyamory. For future reference, as long as I have spoons and time I am always happy to answer questions for polyam folks trying to figure stuff out.

This will probably be a long thread, so hiding the rst behind a CW. Feel free to read along and share your experience/insights.

Relevant to last boosts:

Federated Social Media Is Not The Answer

https://qua.name/kittybecca-in-english/federated-social-media-is-not-the-answer

Queer autistic people are double rainbows.

Carry on.

Guest Post by Jess Mahler: #Kinky Polyam Fiction Recs

On Corey's Book Corner

In which I get to talk about some of my fave fiction reading and remind y'all I've got a book coming out ;-)

https://coreysbookcorner.wordpress.com/2020/07/01/guest-post-by-jess-mahler-kinky-polyam-fiction-recs/

#books #Polyamory #PolyamAndKink

I Am a Verb

I've had several variations on the same conversation over the past few years.

IRL I have 'passing privilege'. I 'pass' as straight. I 'pass' as cis. I 'pass' as monogamous'.  Sometimes I even 'pass' as neurotypical. Except that for me, it doesn't feel like a privilege, it feels like another version of being closeted. And this closet, I couldn't get out of.

I'm not going to get into details. This is background

https://jessmahler.com/i-am-a-verb/

#Blog #Old'Woman'

It's my birthday, and honestly it's been a fucking shit day and the whole past week has been awful.

So, I've two requests:

1) If you can, drop some money on a black and/or queer org for me. I'd like to know something good came out of this shitty day.

2) Drop a link in the replies to webcomics I can spend the rest of the day catching up on. Preference for lighthearted, queer, SSF.
Please nothing that will hit my hyper-empathy for embarrassing shit and no erotica.

A while ago I was on here asking about an ebook equivalent for indiebound, you know, where you can buy books online and support independent booksellers?

Indiebound will now link you to MyMustReads, which lets you buy ebooks from indie book stores.

Unfortunately, you can only read the books in the MyMustReads app. So I won't be using them.

But putting the option out there for folks who are interested.

#books

Just finished this for the kid. Thinking of doing a full-sized Pride version for me, just not sure which version. Someone shared a Pride flag that had a trans triangle inset w the black and brown stripes from the Philli flag? I'd love to do that but don't see how with this pattern and not ready to try complicated patterns yet (maybe ever)

A3: Several ideas, but my first thought is that most pnr/if has a human get sucked into the supernatural. What happens when it goes the other way? A supernatural character needs to live and function in the human world?
I have seen this approach taken a few times, and it can work really well.

A2 I'm not sure. I honestly don't see a way to do it that wouldn't become problematic. Giving the two characters equal focus and equal screentime, yes, that could be done. But if the focus is on the more privileged character, I think it will be nearly impossible to avoid some really shit tropes.

Easiest: make your less privileged character the protagonist.
Also, research shit tropes so you can avoid them, have good beta readers, and make sure ALL of your characters have agency.

Need to go AFK for a bit, but other folks are welcome to add their own questions/responses/commentary.

Q3 -- How would you create an urban fantasy/paranormal romance that *doesn't involve cops/FBI/etc* and doesn't rely on economic/class differential where a human character has more power and/or privilege in the relationship than a magic character?

Q2 -- Is it possible to have a romance story (or other relationship-focused story) that centers on a more privileged character and NOT be shit?

So, some questions to hopefully get some writing discussion going. Reply as and when you can (or not)

Q1 -- How do you check yourself and your work to be sure you aren't stripping less privileged characters of their agency?

I can't imagine why he had trouble trusting someone who *used magic to STALK him*.

It's a classist version of the old white savior trope, dressed up in 'oh, but humans burn witches!' to try to create an illusion of the characters being an equal danger to each other.

I hope my going through the play-by-play is worthwhile to folks. I realize I could have just said 'white savoir trope is bad!' But sometimes it is really easy to miss stuff in our writing and an example can help.

In the second book -- honestly, i didn't bother getting to the rescue. The 'rescuer' started out as a stalker whose unseen watchful presence was 'comforting' to his target. The human has no plot arc, no conflict, no goals, not agency.

This is clearly a book about the stalker-magic-man sweeping in and rescuing the poor orphan from a life of loneliness and poverty.

And the blurb makes clear the bigger challenge to a happily-ever-after is our poor human's inability to trust.

But in the first book, the poor character (who later learns she isn't human, which is why I keep saying 'human-identified') is the protagonist of the rescue. (And the rescue is only a tiny part of the overall story).

Yes, she is rescued from the ghouls at the last minute by her 'knights', but only after she has successfully survived on her own for years and only as the intro to a larger story. We quickly learn the major plot arc is going to be about her claiming her legacy and identity.

In the second book we have a character who has no agency or identity beyond 'poor picked-on orphan'. That works for Oliver Twist, not for a romance book.

He has no agency, life is something that has happened to him, not something his is actively engaged in.

The second issue is the relative roles of the paranormal romantic interest. Both books are clearly seeing up our poor human-identified character to be rescued.

Worse, that is ALL we learn about him -- he is poor, an orphan, and has a shitty life. He has no identity or plot arc of his own other than 'my life is shitty.'
---------------------------
So, two separate issues here:

First character and agency -- in our first book we have a character who is defined as a survivor -- yes she is poor, and her life is shit, and she has no friends. But those are secondary. She is being hunted and is using everything she can to survive.

He has a shit job and a shit boss and he has no friends inspite of living in the same place for several years because he was gay and picked on highschool (even though he's 21 now. And the highschool bullies are still picking on him and rubbing their fancy football scholarships in his face.

But when his boss gets shitty, he doesn't worry about 'how will I pay the bills', he just gets upset because his boss is shitty.

As someone who has been and is poor -- I'm not buying it.