draco @draco@wandering.shop

Just now: 355 words on my genderqueer femmeness essay. #amwriting

I'm on a train and the internet connection is pretty pathetic, as usual.

Ah the joys of living at a boarding school campus: Parcel delivery services routinely don't find our address.

The one exception is DHL.

Ahahahahaha, I should not be posting when I'm dead tired.

"less wounded and defensive version" it should have been.

But somehow I don't want to go back to my old non-genderqueer identity.

And I don't want to "not be different". In fact, I seem to be seeking out the non-normative time and again, as if I needed it.

I feel like there's a big healing process still ahead of me, and I wonder what a more whole, less wounded version and defensive of my femmeness would look like.

I realized that my femme identity arose out of a feeling that my gender identity has been broken multiple times and I somehow put it back together.

I still feel like being genderqueer is something that I haven't fully grown into.

There is also that fear that I'm just making it all up, like cishets wanting to tell me that I'm not so different after all.

If there wasn't that feeling of brokenness, would I feel more at ease with the term "woman"?

602 words on my genderqueer femmeness essay today. #amwriting

Good morning, fediverse!

Trying to #bulletjournal with a cat. #catcontent #herminecontent

Facing my past again. The worst part is the internalized heteronormative voice that tried/still tries to tell me I'm making it all up. All the struggles that being a femme-loving goth femme brings.

Also, how do I convey the importance of queer identities to my straight therapist?

I took a step I was afraid of and started the process of moving two of my non-breadwinning-related blogs to a different hoster. Decided to eventually move one two a new domain, but I'm postponing that until I have cone up with a cool name.

Then I had an intense rehearsal for an upcoming choir concert. I also have a slight cold, which makes me tired and headache-prone.

Now I'm keeping my bujo and I'm ready to chill out in bed with the cat.

Good night, fediverse!

I'm thinking about a new name for a blog I have been keeping for a long long time, but haven't updated in the past two years, going on three years.

I don't want to delete all the old content, the oldest posts date back to 2008 or 2009... I'm a different person now, but all I want is a new name for it.

It doesn't have a specific topic; it's been my personal mixed bag of whatever I wanted to share with the internet.

I'll think about this for a bit while I take care of more urgent matters...

754 words on my monstrous genderqueer femmeness essay. Time to go to bed for me now!
🛏️

I'm not going to sew myself a dress like that anytime soon because the gigs I'd wear it to are too soon, and I'm an abysmally slow sewist.

OK, work was done. Now I'm hanging out on sewing supply websites leasurely surfing for the perfect classical choir gig dress.

That dress would have a very specific aesthetic and it's surprisingly hard to find a dress that combines all the things. Starting with it being cut in a way that I can wear a bra with normal shoulder straps because there's no way I'm going to sing in a strapless bra, even if I could find one in my size.