Expert Dream Monster @cislyn@wandering.shop

#introduction Bi poly married speculative fiction writer. I mostly write short stories and poetry - long form stories are harder for me. I dabble in a lot of crafts, make messes, pet kitties, play games, and dither about how to introduce myself on social media sites (especially since I'll likely just lurk. It's what I do). I'm a submissions editor for Uncanny Magazine, and I read voraciously. Um... yeah, that's me.

+ slay the spire is out on PS4 yay!
- I have soooo much to do and am very behind on all the things
+ I'm making incremental progress on the things. Grudgingly.
- I'm fighting off a cold. WisCon is at the end of this week. Aaaaargh.
+ WisCon! At the end of this week!
- Oh geez I'd better figure out my reading soon.
+ I'm doing a reading! And I'm on a panel! And stuff!
- Ahahaha am I really ready to be this social?

Hi, I'm feeling a bit mixed this morning. How are you?

Now I'm left with her last email with that bit about being sure we can find someone local for them and I just... I have no idea how to respond? It would come off as cruel to say that we found a home for them in NC, since that obviously entails moving them and that's what freaked her out (sigh) so that's out. I guess I could thank her for her time, but that's kind of like thanking her for the panic attack and getting my hopes up fruitlessly, so yeah, no. Best to say nothing, I guess.

Yeah, um. No. If there was someone local, I wouldn't be spending enormous amounts of energy and time asking literally everyone I know, and strangers from all over if they can adopt these senior cats.

I spent all of yesterday evening in a low-grade panic attack when she went silent after freaking out about the transportation. Woke up to the email that she wasn't going to take them after all. It is what it is. And we found someone else, in North Carolina, so, at least there's that.

Urf. So, yesterday was a roller coaster. I thought I'd found a perfect home for Kate's cats - a human who has lots of space, was willing to come meet me in Atlanta. Awesome! And then she heard that I'd be flying with them cats and freaked out. I told her that we were willing to work with her, that we'd hire someone to transport them to meet her, or I'd rent a car and drive them myself, but she backed out saying she was "certain that there's someone local who can take them."

@hafnia I see what you did there! I've been posting kitty pictures for every backer over on the birb site. I'll just drop one here, no particular reason. (THANK YOU!)

Hey folks! The Dream Foundry kickstarter is almost over! If you wanted a weird crocheted critter (made by me), a nifty t-shirt, a manuscript crit from an awesome writer or editor, a hangout with professional artists, a voicemail from Charlie Jane Anders (!), or just to support our mission of helping new folks in the speculative arts, this is were to go:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dreamfoundry/dream-foundry-2019-hatching

#crowdfunding

Still helping.

These cats are helping.

Gosh, I'm tired. I really don't know how folks manage self-promotion. I'm talking up the Dream Foundry kickstarter on birbsite and the book of faces and also trying to find homes for Kate's cats and just this amount of being social is so dang draining that I'm ignoring other nice social outlets and just... I think maybe today is a do chores and play stardew valley kinda day. I'm seeing some friends for board games and dinner tonight. Gonna try to conserve energy for that.

Honestly, this kind of bribery is my favorite way to overcome ennui and dontwanna and lack of executive function. Like, kitchen's a mess, fridge is a disaster and ugh, how do? Welllllll, if I clean that stuff up, and then make tasty food I will a) have tasty food! and b) not have to figure out what to eat for daaaaaaays. The prospect of not having to make decisions, and knowing cooking cleanup will be relatively easy after all the other cleaning gets me to just Do The Thing.

I cleaned my kitchen and rewarded myself by making enchiladas and oh, goodness, I remember why cooking is good now! Yummmm....

Me: I'll go to bed early, get a nice early start to tomorrow.

Also me: Or I could listen intently to every weird noise in the house and tell myself creepy stories about them to maintain a high level of freak out and also stare at the ceiling for hours contemplating the shape of the ceiling fan and also also remember old conversations and regret so many things.

Maybe early starts aren't all they're cracked up to be? Sigh.

I had a good night! I played two new-to-me games and one of them I liked well enough to be considering it as a gift for a friend. The Mind is a nifty simple little card game which reminds me a bit of Hanabi, but with less room for accidental cheating. Mice and Mystics is a downright adorable game with a story telling mechanic and sort of light role playing elements. It's divided into chapters, which is verrrry nice for a game with state and so many elements. Good times!

Hokay. Errands erranded. And when I got home I was a big meanie and trimmed Bonus cat's claws (gosh they needed it). Further adventures for tonight: dinner at a friend's and maybe playing a new-to-me board game. Whee!

Right. Off to run some errands and get some stuff done (hopefully). Anxiety and butidon'twanna are both really high today, but I'm going to push through it. Wish me luck.

Ah, and there's my thunder! I was promised thunderstorms today and they're finally happening. I'm looking forward to a dark and stormy night.

I know it'll get better with time. I'm trying not to feel like there's an acceptable grieving period, and I've overstayed my welcome. And I'm sure writing would help. But I don't think I can manage tonight.

Gonna go do more dishes and other chores and think about words and processes, and friends absent and present. Hopefully soon I'll be able to write around the Kate-shaped hole in the middle of things.