Ahh my friends are (surprise!) going to stay here tomorrow night before we go look for the last mushrooms of the season!
and I'm really happy to get to spend the time with them but the house is a *disaster*. At least I cleaned the bathroom this week! But the guest room is 3-4 feet deep with piles of stuff (mostly craft supplies and seasonal clothing)πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ...I'm going to be busy for a while.

Headed to a party that I'm not particularly looking forward to. It's complicated...but here we go.

Wow walking in 40 F with 30-40mph wind is MISERABLE. There are not enough layers in the world to make that tolerable.

Ugh I should have been able to guess this answer - I can switch courses but it's going to cost a non-trivial amount of money. Same amount as if I were to quit completely.

I will use my mentor meeting later today to talk about this for sure.

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Maybe they will let me switch into the ux/ui course 😭 πŸ™πŸΌ

That's probably a better fit for me and I probably shouldn't have dismissed it as not-a-real-option. It's probably a legit option, yeah? Maybe?

I think doing this bootcamp was a terrible mistake πŸ˜–

I can't remember ever having cried this much over a course, not even stats. I do not enjoy solving problems. I do not understand what is going on 80% of the time. On days when I have brain fog I can't even follow the answers I'm copying from someone else. Everything might as well be written in Cyrillic.

I have brain fog a lot and I don't think I will be able to do an actual thinking job even if I do manage to fake and cheat my way through.

Executive dysfunction + trying to learn coding is a bitch. Meds only help so much.
I look at a problem with many steps and the words just swim on the page while my brain turns to static.


I bought ten pounds of delicata squash yesterday and I'm thinking about going back for more.

I want to see the aurora tonight but true dark sky is over an hour away (and it's almost ten, and we don't know any clear hilltops for sure and the moon comes up at one). Maybe we'll just go to the huge park nearby and hope for the best. Mrgh.

food (GF!) 

Gluten-free corncakes are totally indistinguishable from ones made with wheat. An excellent and dangerous discovery - I have now made them two nights in a row and have the recipe memorized.

This reminds me how I once dated a guy almost entirely because he reminded me of Alan Ruck.

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Starting Succession

I know a lot of people are big fans so

I requested a different bootcamp mentor. I was really hesitant to do so. I felt like it was my idk duty to make the best of what I was assigned but but but... I want someone who I feel comfortable talking to. I had an evaluator this evening who was just so easy to talk to, and I want more of that. Not an old white guy who I have to school on inclusivity. I guess I just feel guilty like it's my duty to school old white people but can't I save that for after I have an actual job?

sometimes I hate learning - 

I hate when the lessons are easy but the assessment is a hundred times more difficult. Where the fuck am I supposed to have learned this stuff?

This is why I failed o chem 2 and Calc 2 a million years ago, I didn't know how to learn beyond the syllabus/lessons then and I still don't know now.

Hahaha my bootcamp mentor said that I'm in the upper percentile(s) for social skills.

Boy do I have him fooled πŸ˜… yes I am great at masking! It took me decades to perfect! I don't even know who I am under the mask lmao/sob

...I got this, I got this. Now just to get the hang of the coding part, whew.

As I start working through this bootcamp course, I'm reminded that I often do my best work at 10pm-1am or so. I hope this doesn't bite me in the ass when I'm trying to actually be employed 😐

when it rains, it pours (socially) 

Oh! And this 20-year-ago friend was my first ever DM! 2nd edition probably? Could've been 3e I suppose but idk, it would've been very new.

That feels like at least three lifetimes ago. Maybe four. I last spoke to them 11 years ago almost exactly! My heart is full just thinking of them, they were one of the first people I really adored without reservation - and I'm just so bad at keeping in touch.

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